04 Nov 2018
Had suicidal thoughts till 25 years of age: AR Rahman
Before the country recognized the talent of AR Rahman, the celebrated composer says there was a phase in his life where he felt like a failure and thought about ending his life almost every day.
"Up until 25, I used to think about suicide. Most of us feel they are not good enough. Because I lost my father, there was this void..," he said.
Part of life
Low-phase in career made me more fearless: Rahman
The Oscar-winning composer says the initial low-phase of his career eventually helped him emerge braver.
"That in a way made me more fearless. Death is a permanent thing for everyone. Since everything created has an expiry date, so why be afraid of anything?" Rahman said.
He was speaking at the release of his autobiography 'Notes of a Dream: The Authorized Biography of AR Rahman'.
'Because of my father's death, I didn't do many movies'
The turnaround for the 51-year-old composer came when he built his recording studio Panchathan Record Inn in his backyard in hometown Chennai.
"Before that, things were dormant so maybe it (the feeling) manifested then. Because of my father's death and the way he was working, I didn't do many movies. I got 35 movies and I did two," he said.
Rahman took music at young age after his father's death
Written by author Krishna Trilok, the biography of Rahman, in association with Landmark and Penguin Random House, was launched in Mumbai yesterday.
Rahman was nine when his father RK Shekhar, who was a film-score composer, passed away and the family had to rent out his musical equipment to get by. Rahman, thus, took to music at a very young age.
The composer who changed the grammar of music
With 'Roja', Rahman shot to instant fame as the wonder kid in the industry, who changed the grammar of music and sounds.
But creating music is not a lonely process for the musician as much as it is "internal".
"You manifest who you are and let it out. You need a lot of self-analysis and you have to dive deep within you," he said.
'I try to not feel bored and try something new'
Rahman says the most important thing for him is to not feel bored and constantly try to do something new- professionally or personally.
"You feel jaded if you do the same thing. You need to find different things to do. For me traveling, parenting and spending time with my family though I can't do that much is beautiful. It helps a lot," he said.
Rahman changed his birthname because he despised it
In his 20s, Rahman made his debut as a composer with Mani Ratnam's 'Roja' (1992). He reinvented himself by letting go not only the baggage from the past but also his birth name - Dileep Kumar, which he says, he despised.