Manoj Bajpayee, now celebrated, once wanted to commit suicide

By Sagar

Jul 02, 2020

01:18 pm

What's the story

Manoj Bajpayee, one of the most gifted and versatile actors in the country, has opened up about his dreams, his days of struggle, and the eventual success. Speaking in light of his colleague, Sushant Singh Rajput's tragic demise, Bajpayee revealed that he had suicidal thoughts once, but escaped that phase with support from his friends. His rags to riches story is a must-read.

Interview

'At 9, I knew acting was my destiny'

While speaking to Humans of Bombay, Bajpayee (51), who grew up in a Bihar village, said that he knew acting was his destiny when he was just nine. He said he was a fan of Amitabh Bachchan and visited the city to watch movies. He, however, added that due to financial issues, he decided to continue with his studies.

Details

I was an outsider, trying to fit in: Bajpayee

However, Bajpayee could not focus on anything else but acting. So, he left for Delhi at the age of 17, and started doing theatre while studying at Delhi University. He said that people back in his hometown called him "good for nothing", but he turned a blind eye to them. "I was an outsider, trying to fit in," Bajpayee said.

Struggle

Bajpayee got rejected by NSD thrice

Talking about his struggle, Bajpayee said that he applied at the coveted National School of Drama (NSD), but got rejected thrice. He said he had suicidal thoughts, but his friends never left his side. "I was close to committing suicide, so my friends would sleep next to me and not leave me alone. They kept me going until I was accepted," he revealed.

New city

Bajpayee moved to Mumbai, but luck escaped him

Bajpayee then moved to Mumbai. But it wasn't an easy journey. He rented a chawl with some friends and started looking for work. However, luck escaped him. He revealed that an Assistant Director (AD) once tore down his photo. He also revealed that he has lost three projects in a single day. Once, he was asked to "get out" after the first shot itself.

Quote

'At times, even a vada pav seemed costly'

"I did not fit the ideal 'hero' face, so they thought I'd never make it to the big screen. All the while, I struggled to make rent and at times even a vada pav was costly," Bajpayee said.

Break

He got his first big break with RGV's 'Satya'

After struggling for four years, things started changing for the better. Bajpayee landed his first role in Mahesh Bhatt's soap opera Swabhimaan that aired on Doordarshan. He said he received Rs. 1,500 per episode as his first steady source of income. Bajpayee's work was noticed and appreciated, and he got his first big break in Bollywood with Ram Gopal Varma's 1998 drama Satya.

Quote

'The hardships don't matter, belief does'

"That's the thing about dreams, when it comes to turning them into reality, the hardships don't matter. What matters is the belief of that 9-year-old Bihari boy and nothing else," the actor concluded.

Instagram Post

You can read the full post here

“I’m a farmer’s son; I grew up in a village in Bihar with 5 siblings–we went to a hut school. We led a simple life, but whenever we went to the city, we’d go to the theatre. I was a Bachchan fan & wanted to be like him. At 9, I knew acting was my destiny. But I couldn’t afford to dream & continued my studies. Still, my mind refused to focus on anything else, so at 17, I left for DU. There, I did theatre but my family had no idea. Finally, I wrote a letter to dad–he wasn’t angry & even sent me Rs.200 to cover my fees! People back home called me ‘good for nothing’ but I turned a blind eye. I was an outsider, trying to fit in. So, I taught myself English & Hindi–Bhojpuri was a big part of how I spoke. I then applied to NSD, but was rejected thrice. I was close to committing suicide, so my friends would sleep next to me & not leave me alone. They kept me going until I was accepted. That year, I was at a chai shop when Tigmanshu came looking for me on his khatara scooter–Shekhar Kapur wanted to cast me in Bandit Queen! So I felt I was ready & moved to Mumbai. Initially, it was tough–I rented a chawl with 5 friends & looked for work, but got no roles. Once, an AD tore my photo & I’ve lost 3 projects in a day. I was even told to ‘get out’ after my 1st shot. I didn’t fit the ideal ‘hero’ face–so they thought I’d never make it to the big screen. All the while, I struggled to make rent & at times even a vada pav was costly. But the hunger in my stomach couldn’t dissuade my hunger to succeed. After 4 years of struggle, I got a role in Mahesh Bhatt’s TV series. I got Rs.1500 per episode–my first steady income. My work was noticed & I was offered my first Bollywood film & soon, I got my big break with ‘Satya’. That’s when the awards rolled in. I bought my first house & knew…I was here to stay. 67 films later, here I am. That’s the thing about dreams–when it comes to turning them into reality, the hardships don’t matter. What matters is the belief of that 9-year-old Bihari boy & nothing else.” -- HOB with @sonylivindia brings to you the story of Manoj Bajpayee, whose life has come full circle. To watch his award winning performance in Bhonsle, click on the link in bio!

On Sushant

Earlier, Bajpayee fondly remembered his former co-star Sushant

Bajpayee, who worked with Sushant in 2019 film Sonchiriya, recently said the latter achieved a lot within a short span of time. "I remember him as somebody who came from Patna and carried the rootedness with him with all the dancing abilities, with all the coolness and charming smile. He was a small-town guy inside...That I used to relate quite a lot," he said.