Unoffended Right Indian: Why should you not ignore him?
Argumentative yet docile, intelligent yet quiet, inquisitive yet accepting - this is your 'Unoffended Right Indian.' He may not have that aura, he still commands your respect. He has dreamy eyes, and a sharp brain. He does not want your attention, he is happy in his space. Who is this Indian, and why shouldn't you ignore him? More importantly, why is a news company talking about him?
Full disclaimer: It can be a he or a she
A female wrote this piece, who can relate to every aspect of this Indian. She just chose to address him as a 'he'. This character can be a 'he', 'she' or a 'ze.' In her understanding, this Indian is everywhere, inside you and outside of you.
Spends 2 minutes/day on religion, when mom asks him to
This person does not get up everyday and think about religion. He neither cares about your religion nor his own. He goes to religious places when his mom asks him to, and happily so. He may not be God fearing, but he is certainly God loving. He does not disrespect your religion, but takes offense when you mock his.
Talks about technology, music, movies, fitness and news
He is ambitious, works hard, is unabashedly capitalist and thinks technology (with restraint) can fix things. He hates the word NGO and their vested interests, he thinks Bill Gates with his corporate like accountability is altruist. And, he aspires to be like him. He watches movies, he 'netflixes and chills' and he dreams to get fit. He knows he can't change the world, he is still optimistic.
Feels patriotic during National Anthem, R-Day Parades and when drunk
He does not mind standing for National Anthem, that comes to him rather instinctively. He does not need a Supreme Court order or someone's beating to do that. He cries when he watches Republic Day Parade, and he thinks highly of his faujis. No news channels/open letters are needed to remind him of faujis' valor. He may not say it out loud, but he smiles when his friends (in high spirit) say 'Bharat Mata ki Jai.'
Likes Modi if and when he makes sense
He loves it when Modi makes sense. He has worked hard in his life, and demands the same from his politicians. He was never stupid to believe that Modi would wire Rs. 15 lakh into his account, when voted to power. He chose to elect him because he believes in 'ache din.' He is not spoilt for choices, and he is mindful of that.
Of virgins, women, gau mutra and West Bengal
He does not hope to find 'x' number of virgins in heaven. He is not particularly fixated about virgins, anyway. He respects women and which is why he wants 'triple talaq' to be quashed once and for all. Though he does not drink 'gau mutra', he does not mind feeding the innocent animal. His heart goes out for Syrians, but he cares more about his countrymen dying in West Bengal. He understands politics, but does not wear it on his sleeve.
He has got a funny bone, and he knows it
He likes humor, he knows jokes are always racist. But, when Kunal Kamra tries to be funnily aggressive, he can't tolerate it. He also loves to bash Pakistan, especially during a cricket match. He is a fan of Pakistani's English. He doesn't get hurt when Fawad Khan's movies are banned in India. He is neither Aman nor Asha. He can see the bluff of Bollywood guys, he chooses not to make a deal out of it.
Pays taxes, doesn't understand Form 16, wants cleanliness and safety
He is a law abiding citizen, he plans to do his taxes on time. He still procrastinates as he does not understand Form 16. He wants his taxes to be used appropriately, and he does not mind 'Swachch Bharat' cess if that makes his beloved country clean. He knows how important infrastructure is. He is still realist, a small highway there, a clean road here, tiny steps towards security - he makes himself happy with that.
Cares about long weekends and not just festivals
He is excited about Good Fridays, Eid, Diwali, Holi. He gets even more excited if they fall on a Monday or a Friday, that satiates his craving for long weekends. He may not eat beef, burst crackers or play with colors. Or he may. He is not Shehla Rashid of JNU fame (!) and his end-game is not to question everything mindlessly. His wisdom lies in accepting things he can't change.
Knows the how and when of what he wants
But, he knows what he wants in life. And, you can't write him off. You can't call him dimwit, just because he does not speak your liberal language. You can't call him bhakt, just because he is a right-wingie. You can't mock his Gods, just because he doesn't retaliate. It is about time you take him seriously, because he knows what he wants in life.
Now, why are we talking about him?
We are talking about him because we understand him, we write for him, we respect him and we want to give him a voice. We are him, and for far too long he has been ignored by far too many people. That changes now.