Dear men, will you ever understand & respect consent?
What's the story
In a world where #MeToo and #YesAllMen are trending because we keep on coming across incidents of rape and assaults regularly, it's difficult to think that there exist guys who would understand consent and not take advantage of us. But, what's so difficult in differentiating a Yes from a No? Are men wired like that, or is it a woman's fault that she is not explicit? Here, we decode.
Twitter Post
The thread that led to conversation on consent
I want to tell a story: Once in high school, I felt insecure, I put on a tight top too low cut and dark lipstick I didn't usually wear. I went to a party drank terrible wine coolers, too many of them. A man asked me if I wanted to leave, I slurred, said maybe. He said "maybe"?
— maura quint (@behindyourback) September 29, 2018
Yes!
#NotAllMen but #YesAllWomen
While Twitter was flooded with #NotAllMen last year in January, there also was a responsive tweet of #YesAllWomen. Though I agree with #NotAllMen, men also need to know that #YesAllWomen have been groped, assaulted, molested or raped at some point of their life, whether she admits it or not. #YesAllWomen are scared of walking home alone at night or even taking a cab. #YesAllWomen are scared when a man stands next to her in the bus. #YesAllWomen have been and are scared of being assaulted or worse, rape.
No
Everything else is a No, except an explicit Yes
Word of the day: No. Meaning/Synonyms: No indeed, absolutely not, most certainly not, of course not, under no circumstances, by no means, not at all, negative, never, not really. Be it noun, adverb, determiner or a woman saying meekly or resisting to your actions, No means absolutely No. It doesn't mean a maybe, it doesn't you need to try harder. It means No.
Understand her
But, why do women say Yes, when they mean No?
When the 26-year-old photographer alleged assault against comedian Aziz Ansari, everyone asked why didn't she say no straight away or left as soon as she could? Here's why: Psychologically, a woman is always scared of rejecting a man or hurting his feelings because she thinks if she does so, he'll hurt her back. Slut shaming, revenge porn, acid attacks, anyone? Also, when someone's touching your body in an uncomfortable manner, you're pushed into the freeze state, making it really difficult to take a rational decision or behave "correctly" at that point.
How?
Pop culture and porn: Men's guide to understanding consent?
Since sex education isn't robust in our country, most men's first encounter with sex-ed is through pop-culture or porn. And to be honest, no body teaches us the value of No. Rather movies, shows and porn glorify sex that is passionately "aggressive". When was the last time you watched a movie where two people actually paused to discuss consent? Or boundaries?
Understand?
To the man who doesn't have NO in his dictionary
All you need to understand is that rape doesn't look like a masked dude jumping out of the bushes and dragging a woman from an alley. Rather it's more like men assuming that if women don't say NO explicitly then they don't have to stop. To them, let me make it painfully clear: No matter how many drinks you bought her, or if you head to her home from the bar, she doesn't owe you her body. If she wants it, she will say Yes.