Things to know while breaking up with a narcissistic partner
What's the story
Breaking up is uncomfortable, but when it's with a narcissist, things can get tricky as the lies and manipulation don't stop there. Being in a relationship with them you know the downsides. To help you understand what it entails to break up with narcissists, and how to work on yourself, we talked to Ramya Shripathi, an ICF-approved life coach specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery.
No contact
Narcissists will try to hoover you but maintain no contact
Your narcissistic partner will beg, plead or even attempt a negotiation to bring you back into their life. They are sneaky manipulators and they know exactly what to say to hoover you back. Shripathi suggests going "no contact" or keeping "limited contact" with them. To do so, you have to block their number and their social media account. Sounds tough, but it is essential.
Mutual connections
Your mutual connections might get summoned by them
Quite possibly you may have mutual connections with your narcissistic partner. Cut them off too. It seems brutal, but it is necessary. They won't shy away from using your mutual friends to reach out to you. "Review your inner circle and reduce contact with all possible common connections from your inner circle to avoid unnecessary interactions and drama," advises Shripathi.
Educate
Educate yourself about narcissistic abuse
There are plenty of free resources available on the internet where you can gain a better understanding of narcissists' abusive behavior. "Educate yourself about narcissistic abuse so that you understand the sadly predictable patterns of dysfunctional behavior but don't stay stuck in analyzing or trying to understand their bad behavior," recommends Shripathi. Fixating on understanding them can slow down your healing journey.
Resistance to change
Narcissists won't change, no matter how hard you try
One of the defining characteristics of narcissists is that they don't possess any conscience. This is why they are very resistant to change. This is who they are, and no matter what you do, you can't change them. The narcissistic abuse recovery specialist says, "Save your energy for your healing journey instead of trying to fix or rescue the narcissist."
Trauma bond
You have formed a trauma bond
Repeatedly getting abused and then getting rewarded with love bombs for doing something right, created a trauma bond between the two of you. Shripathi says, "Work on your trauma bond that keeps you addicted to your narcissistic ex and keeps you in a place where you fantasize going back to them even though cognitively you very well know how damaging it was for you."
Self-esteem
Your self-esteem has taken a hit
Narcissists tend to put others down to elevate themselves, so your self-esteem may likely have taken a battering. "Always remember that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. You don't have to be anyone else's punching bag nor you do have to teach another adult the basics of human decency," says Shripathi. It's the perfect time to immerse yourself in self-love.