How to stop seeking validation from others
What's the story
Validation-seeking is a common human behavior experienced by all. Just like any behavior, validation-seeking too exists on a spectrum - from one extreme of not at all seeking external validation to the other where approval from others becomes a way of life. However, both extremes are highly unhealthy. Read on to know how to stop relying on others' approval and be more self-reliant.
Say 'no'
Practice saying 'no' more often
Not being able to say "no" in clear terms at times when you definitely should is a sign of people-pleasing behavior. This sort of behavior generally has its origin in childhood. Practice saying "no" more often. Start with rejecting smaller requests from your peers before you move on to refusing bigger ones that may leave you in an overwhelming situation.
Self-care
Find internal validation through self-care
Practice more self-soothing acts such as meditation, yoga, and mindfulness. This will help you get in touch with your inner-self which in turn will improve your self-control and self-confidence. Practicing these self-soothing acts can help you set boundaries and make decisions that align with what you authentically desire. Positive affirmations can help you replace negative self-talk with more mindfulness and empowerment.
Include positivity
Surround yourself with positive people
Remove anyone who invalidates you or is unnecessarily critical of you. Replace them with more people who support you and have an overall positive worldview. Consider joining support groups and visiting mental health professionals specializing in boundary work. They may help you with building a supportive network. When you seek external validation, ensure that the person is emotionally nourishing not exploitative.
Independence
Do more things independently
Independence is a great feeling. Initially, you might be fearful, but once you start doing things yourself, you'll start to believe in yourself. Go on solo trips, get used to being in public by yourself, and eat at a restaurant alone. These acts of independence would instill new confidence and self-love in you. This way you will start valuing your opinion and choices more.
Stop comparison
Stop comparing yourself with others
Do not compare yourself with others; it is probably harming you more than working to motivate you to push further. Everyone is unique with their own abilities and disabilities. Stop focusing on why some people are better than you in certain fields, instead, replace those with thoughts of self-gratitude. Be grateful for what you already have instead of worrying about what you lack.